Coaching for Creatives | Thoughts Are Things

March 11, 2014

Today’s post is a reminder that everything begins with a thought. Look around you. Your laptop, the vase on your table, your cup of coffee, the Kleenex box on your desk, the art on your walls, and even your relationships … all of it began with an inkling of an idea. Thoughts may feel intangible but the truth is this:

Thoughts are things and they will manifest in your reality.

So, if everything in your life was cultivated from a thought, that means you are responsible for all of it. Good and bad. So take some time to take stock of how your thoughts have come to life around you.

Try this: On a sheet of paper draw three columns. Label them with the following:

1. PAST
Write down three of your most major accomplishments and trace them back to the original thought. Take note of how you were responsible for them manifesting them. Write it down in the far left column. For example, one of my biggest accomplishments was trekking to Mt. Everest Base Camp. I had never even been overseas when I saw a documentary about Everest on the Discovery channel and thought “Wow. I’d like to see Mt. Everest!” That seemingly flip desire manifested itself into a life-changing journey.

2. PRESENT
You have something like 50,000 – 70,000 thoughts per day. Most of them are recurring. So today I want you to come up with three new thoughts. It can be anything from a goal or resolution, to a relationship you’d like to develop, to a new “what if” question, to something you would like to make or research. Write them down in the middle column. My thought today is not entirely formed yet, but I’m curious to see how being a new mom will blend in with my career – especially as my maternity leave comes to an end. Another thought I have is that as much as I would love to be creative and make things with my hands in my down time my true passion is cooking and fitness. Maybe I will explore being more intentional with those things as my “hobbies”.

3. FUTURE
I want you to write down the date for exactly one month from today in the future column. Leave this section blank until a month from now. When you return to it I want you to write down how the thoughts you wrote down in the middle column manifested themselves in your life. So for me, I’m going to note in a month from now exactly how that new mom / career blend has manifested itself (it could be anything! From simply a new perspective to maybe a new service or product for working moms.) Or perhaps I’ll have some fun passion projects or experiments rise out of my obsession with health and fitness.

So, today we’re focusing on the manifestation of positive thoughts but consider the less-than-fantastic stuff around you. Take responsibility for it and ask yourself “what thoughts or stories do I tell myself to attract _____.” Sure there are some things that may not be your fault – like getting into a car wreck or falling ill. But try to find responsibility and awareness for the thoughts and reaction around the crummy stuff. Take note of how it shifts your perspective from a reactive victim to perhaps a proactive badass.

I’d love to hear some of your past accomplishments and the originating thought in the comments. Or let me know your new thoughts for today and let’s check back in together in a month to see how they all came to life?

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P.S. If you like this post you might like my DIY Coaching for Creatives Email Sessions. It’s 4 emails x 4 weeks (16 emails total) for just $40. Complete with worksheets, exercises, mantras, meditations, and to-dos for time management, decision-making, and strategies for living more of what you love – in work and life. You can learn more about what you’ll get and purchase anytime here.

Also, our Braid ECourse, Dream Customer Catching: Embrace Your Expertise and Attract What You Track is now open for registration and will be in-session March 21 – March 30. And Kathleen readers can take this course for $50 by using the discount code ANDKATHLEEN50 when you register.

40 Days

March 7, 2014

The last six weeks have felt a little dark. Probably because I literally spend a lot of time awake in the dark, sitting in the middle of my bed, in the middle of the night, nursing and rocking Fox. Plus, this winter has been especially cold… and dark. Then there was the witching hour business which sent me to an emotionally dark place that I wanted to curl up and hibernate in. But I’m beginning to see the light. Unfortunately, it’s not a flood light coming to the rescue (we still have our days… and nights). No… it’s more like a slow dawn, before the sun makes its debut, where the sky transitions from black to dark navy to a desaturated royal blue and then to a lighter cool blue that perfectly matches my baby’s eyes.

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My friend and Braid Method client Betina Wills of This Land Yoga just launched 40 Days of Intention at her studio (perfect timing for me to pick up my post-baby practice again). In her blog post she shared this Arabic proverb:

To understand a people you must live among them for 40 days.

When I read this it dawned on me that it took right at 40 days, just under 6 weeks, to start to settle in with Fox. To not only feel like I am just beginning to understand this little baby, but also myself as “mom”. It took 40 dark nights to begin to see the emerging light of day. I don’t necessarily believe I was put on earth to be a mom – but every day since Fox was born it becomes more and more clear that no one belongs here with me more than him.

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I want to thank all of you for all your support on my witching hour post (I’m happy to report that things are much much better). Everyone likes to talk about mommy wars and being criticized for parenting choices but I’m feeling like I have quite the supportive tribe of moms and non-moms alike (here and over on Instagram). I never intended on becoming a “mommy blogger” but because of the tremendous amount of feedback and conversation happening here I’m going to continue to post weekly about becoming a new mom. And honestly, it’s where I’m at right now. I am very much a mom. Next week, my last week of maternity leave, I’ll be posting about childcare choices. I can’t wait to hear what you all have to say.

P.S. The muslin swaddle blanket (that I’m thinking about turning into a wall hanging) by Coveted Things was gifted to me by midwife-turned-coach Rebecca Egbert. Rebecca, a former Braid ECourse student, has been an invaluable resource – if you’re a new mom (or dad) I recommend you sign up for her free newsletter.

Must Read | Paulo Coelho

March 5, 2014

About five or six years ago one of my dear friends gifted me with a copy of Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist. She said it was a “must read” and that it might change my life. It took me a couple years to finally get around to reading it – but when I finally cracked the spine, it delivered. The Alchemist is a story about a boy searching for treasure. Like any good hero’s journey the boy finds magic, connection, meaning, and the real treasure along the way … As does the reader. The funny thing is is that I didn’t pick up The Alchemist until I was really ready to receive the moral of the story.

I’m typically a fan of non-fiction (let’s get real: self-help) books that will provide me with key takeaways aiding me in both business success and spiritual enlightenment (and now sage parenting advice, of course). But Paulo Coelho manages to craft words together that vibrate at a higher frequency that transcends trendy self-help. His work is timeless and universal to the human experience. And I believe reading his books will make all of us better people.

So just after landing on “warrior” as my word and intention for 2014 I stumbled upon Coelho’s Warrior of the Light: A Manual on my Kindle. I downloaded and devoured it – highlighting almost every word (which kind of defeats the point of highlighting, eh?). I knew I would need a hard copy of this one for daily reference.

Here are some of my favorite passages from the book:

“He is capable of seeing what is beautiful because he carries beauty within himself, for the world is a mirror and gives back to each man the reflection of his own face.” Wow, what a reminder to be accountable for how you show up in the world. This is what karma truly looks like.

“The great victory, which appears so simple today, was the result of a series of small victories that went unnoticed.” A lesson in gratitude – I think this is especially important to remember as a creative entrepreneur.

“In order to have faith in his own path, he does not need to prove that someone else’s path is wrong.” It’s easy to feel challenged when someone else’s business, religion, relationships, world-view isn’t aligned with your own – it can make you feel like you’re going about it all wrong and put you on the defense. What a great reminder that not everyone experiences the world the same – and that that’s okay.

“That is why they are Warriors of the Light. Because they make mistakes, because the ask themselves questions, because they are looking for a reason they are sure to find it.” Amen.

Pretty powerful stuff, if you ask me. I’ve decided that to be accountable to my “warrior” resolution it would be cool to open this book each day in 2014 and reflect on how the passage I land on could inspire or be applicable to my life. I want to truly use it as a manual to carry out my intentions for this year.

What game-changing books are inspiring you lately?

Coaching for Creatives | Play Pretend

March 3, 2014

All of my coaching clients at one point or another express that they want to cultivate and attitude of confidence and fearlessness. My advice to them: Pretend as if you are a confident and fearless badass.

Playing pretend might sound like “fake it ’til you make it” but it’s more like taking on the Method approach to acting. I only know what I know about Method acting from actors like Jared Leto who talk about never breaking character (even off set) when playing Oscar-worthy roles. Actors use Method tools and techniques to create authentic thoughts and feelings true to the role they’re playing. I think we can draw from the Method acting technique to harness the feelings we want to have in our creative work and life.

I most play pretend when I’m scared and trying something new – big or small. One of the first times I found playing pretend to be useful was when I was the lead art director on an NBA account. I knew nothing about basketball and I was a young designer. So I pretended as if I was a senior boy (my aesthetic was quite feminine at the time) designer at Nike working on a cool sporty campaign. And it worked. But sometimes I have to play pretend for the little things too. I mean, sometimes I have to play pretend that I’m the kind of person who doesn’t get anxiety when meeting a new friend over coffee.

Today I invite you to pretend.
Pretend as if you got enough sleep.
Pretend that talking money with clients doesn’t make you break out in hives.
Pretend like you’re the most badass designer / writer / photographer out there.
Pretend as if you’re the kind of person who always makes the healthy choice.
Pretend you’re Beyonce. Or even Mister Rogers.

Pretend as if … Because then you are.

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Witching Hour

February 28, 2014

We were in the car driving home from my parent’s house last Saturday. The evening before Fox had scream/cried for three hours straight and nothing we did could make it stop. Inconsolably is the word pediatricians use. Fox was crying bloody murder and as new parents we were freaked out. And for a week straight, like clockwork, Fox was inconsolable every evening starting at 6:30PM. Apparently this nightly meltdown is called The Witching Hour. The time of night when the ghouls come out and possess the bodies of sweet babies everywhere.

So, we’re driving home from my parents’ house during said Witching Hour last Saturday. Fox had been fussy all day but my mom busted out her grandma magic and kept him sleepy and content all. day. long. So, we head home just as the fuss began it’s crescendo. I thought the car may be our saving grace and out run the ghouls, sending our baby into a peaceful slumber. But no. Fox starts screaming. And then I start crying. And neither of us stop for the next hour. Now look, I know babies cry. I just didn’t know that it could feel like torture.

So what do you do when a baby won’t stop crying? You feed him, change his diaper, swaddle, shush, and swing him. You set him down. Then pick him up. You meditate. Then pray. Then you cry because eventually you lose your shit. Then you feel bad for crying because you’re supposed to be a graceful and patient warrior momma. Then you Google.

Google tells you to do all the things you’ve already done and it might tell you that your baby has colic… Which is a disease nobody seems to be able to define beyond “baby that cries a lot.” Google tells you not much can be done and that it only lasts for a few months. A few months!? But you’re supposed to be enjoying every moment.Which leaves you feeling even more hopeless.

So then you wipe away your tears and stare at yourself in the mirror for a minute. You pick your baby up and create a safe space in your arms for him to exorcise his gremlins in and you count your blessings that he’s alive in this world. Or at least that’s what I did.

If you’re a new parent Googling “Witching Hour Crying Baby How to Make It Stop” here’s what worked for me … but no guarantees:
• I called my mom: Grandma’s know a thing or two about raising a baby. They’ll swoop in and show you how it’s done with nothing but love and patience – both of which you may feel you’re running short on.
• I made a routine: For the first 5 weeks of Fox’s life we were winging everything as we figured out how to take care of a baby. There was little room for routine – all of our actions were reactions. But the Witching Hour called for a routine. Not for the baby as much as it was for ourselves. We were still trying to do our nightly business of cooking dinner, watching The Daily Show, and enjoying a night cap. As much as I want the baby to fit seamlessly into our lives as-is he’s got his own needs. The biggest one being sleep when he’s tired. So now at 6PM we dim the lights in our bedroom, change his diaper, feed him, swaddle him, and rock / bounce / shush / feed him while singing Iko Iko until he falls asleep. And it works. Sometimes it takes an hour. Sometimes it only takes 20 minutes. And then I have the rest of my evening with Jeremy to cook dinner, watch The Daily Show, and enjoy a night cap (which for me these days is a bottle of Kombucha).
• Radiate love: I remind myself that my baby is just trying to figure out how to live in this world – just as much as I’m trying to figure out how to be a parent. So I like to imagine a soft lime green light pouring out of my heart and filling the room with love. I Imagine that love soothing my baby down to his cells. Yup, it’s totally woo-woo. It doesn’t magically make my baby stop crying but it does make me feel a little less shitty.

Are you a new parent managing a new baby’s tears? Or maybe a been-there-done-that pro? Tell me about it. What works for you?