Before I became pregnant I always imagined that I would want a girl when I had a kid. This desire was most likely born out of the fact that I’m female – therefore I am most intimate and familiar with issues girls face – and not necessarily a desire to have a little girl doll I could play dress up with (though, to be honest, I can get pretty swoon-y over baby fashions). It’s also important to note that I have one sister, Jeremy has two, and each of them have two boys each. We have 6 nephews, and one out-of-state niece, in our combined families – it’s on me and Jeremy to even out the score.
When I first found out I was pregnant I was surprised to find myself wanting a little boy. First off, I thought pregnant women didn’t care! I thought a pregnant woman’s only desire was for a healthy and happy baby – regardless of what kind of plumbing the baby was born with. But there I was – really wanting a boy. More specifically, I wanted a little Jeremy. Jeremy is much calmer, cleaner, rational, and compassionate than I am. I like him so much that I wouldn’t mind having a little more of him in this house. If we were to have a little Kathleen that kiddo would be doing some naked karaoke on the dining room table and refusing to brush her hair. And when she turns 13 she’ll cry everyday.
About 12 or so weeks into the pregnancy, while on a morning walk, I had a distinct feeling that this little bebe is a girl. And I got really excited about that – I mean, what’s so bad about naked karaoke anyway!? Since this initial feeling I’ve been convinced that I’m carrying a little lady. That is until we had our ultrasound on Tuesday – then I didn’t really know what to think!
Can we talk about the ultrasound for a second? I had no idea what to expect. I was thinking a typical doctor’s office with a small fuzzy ultrasound screen and fluorescent lighting. Instead we were ushered into what looked like a director’s suite with low-lighting and a huge flat screen TV. The tech found the baby – I about died from the cuteness of it’s little belly and Jeremy was fascinated by it’s spine. I was relieved that the baby had a head (a life long friend of mine going through medical school happened to share a story with me about an ultrasound she attended, revealing a headless baby and it became my new biggest fear). Everything seemed to check out and I couldn’t get enough of the baby face – in profile – straight on was … weird. The baby was moving around A LOT making the tech’s job a lot harder – but I was proud of my little active bean. The ultrasound lasted a lot longer than I expected but I was soaking it up and falling more in love with each body part examined – from the brain stem, to the nose and lips, to the kidneys, to the toes. I basically turned into complete mush (I think Jeremy did a lil’ bit too).
As the tech checked for hoo-ha or peen she told us to look away. I gave her an envelope with a girl box or boy box to check (just one, please) to keep it a secret from even ourselves. Now, my sister waited until both of her boys were born to find out that they were in fact boys. So I kind of assumed that I would wait to find out too. It’s nice to have a little mystery in a time where All The Information is so accessible to us at all times. But what I found, through my sister’s experience, is that giving birth to a baby is pretty shocking and surprising enough. So tomorrow with our families, altogether and all at the same time, we’ll be biting in to cupcakes filled with pink or blue icing to reveal if this bebe is a boy or girl. I’ll be posting the results to my Instagram tomorrow afternoon – follow me here and stay tuned! For now, I want to hear your guesses! Let me know if you think it’s a boy or girl (and why)!
I’ve told Jeremy that either way, I want to raise this baby to be compassionate, respectful, curious, brave, and adventurous. My hope is that this kid loves all the colors of the rainbow – pink and blue included – regardless of whether it’s a boy or girl.
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Field Notes & Observations:
• Somewhere in the middle of my 19th week (after the above photo was taken) I really “popped”. I think I’m finally starting to look undeniably pregnant.
• It’s getting hard to bend over. Not because I’m physically that big but because it feels like I have a rock hard water balloon in my stomach (and I’m afraid I could pop it by bending over).
• I’ve become terrible at taking my prenatal vitamins and fish oil. It’s been weeks. I should get back on that.
• I can feel the baby moving daily now! I love it. Jeremy can sometimes feel it too when he puts his hand on my belly.
• A few times a day my uterus gets really hard (but not crampy). I’m told this may be Braxton-Hicks (practice) contractions. My sister got them all through her pregnancy and told me it’s nothing to worry about.
• I feel guilty when I (accidentally) don’t eat enough. And so it begins…
• I feel personally offended by people who are driving too fast down residential roads. Protective mama instincts are powerful stuff.
• I finally purchased a pair of maternity jeans with the panel from H&M. Now I’m just waiting for it to cool down enough to wear them. I cannot WAIT for fall. Until then, I’m still squeezing into my old clothes.
• I’ve decided not to choose a name for the baby until it’s born.
• 9 weeks | We Made Magic
• 13 weeks | Like A Gorilla
• 14 weeks | It’s Like Puberty
• 15 weeks | It Takes Time
• 16 weeks | Vivid Dreams
• 17 weeks | Pump It Up
• 18 weeks | Bebe Glows