40 Days

March 7, 2014



The last six weeks have felt a little dark. Probably because I literally spend a lot of time awake in the dark, sitting in the middle of my bed, in the middle of the night, nursing and rocking Fox. Plus, this winter has been especially cold… and dark. Then there was the witching hour business which sent me to an emotionally dark place that I wanted to curl up and hibernate in. But I’m beginning to see the light. Unfortunately, it’s not a flood light coming to the rescue (we still have our days… and nights). No… it’s more like a slow dawn, before the sun makes its debut, where the sky transitions from black to dark navy to a desaturated royal blue and then to a lighter cool blue that perfectly matches my baby’s eyes.

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My friend and Braid Method client Betina Wills of This Land Yoga just launched 40 Days of Intention at her studio (perfect timing for me to pick up my post-baby practice again). In her blog post she shared this Arabic proverb:

 To understand a people you must live among them for 40 days.

When I read this it dawned on me that it took right at 40 days, just under 6 weeks, to start to settle in with Fox. To not only feel like I am just beginning to understand this little baby, but also myself as “mom”. It took 40 dark nights to begin to see the emerging light of day. I don’t necessarily believe I was put on earth to be a mom – but every day since Fox was born it becomes more and more clear that no one belongs here with me more than him.

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I want to thank all of you for all your support on my witching hour post (I’m happy to report that things are much much better). Everyone likes to talk about mommy wars and being criticized for parenting choices but I’m feeling like I have quite the supportive tribe of moms and non-moms alike (here and over on Instagram). I never intended on becoming a “mommy blogger” but because of the tremendous amount of feedback and conversation happening here I’m going to continue to post weekly about becoming a new mom. And honestly, it’s where I’m at right now. I am very much a mom. Next week, my last week of maternity leave, I’ll be posting about childcare choices. I can’t wait to hear what you all have to say.

P.S. The muslin swaddle blanket (that I’m thinking about turning into a wall hanging) by Coveted Things was gifted to me by midwife-turned-coach Rebecca Egbert. Rebecca, a former Braid ECourse student, has been an invaluable resource – if you’re a new mom (or dad) I recommend you sign up for her free newsletter. 

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