The Mother Love

May 23, 2014


This week was something, I’ll tell you. I mean, I’m “supposed to” get my blog posts up in a timely manner – first thing every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning these days. But here we are at 6:15 on a Friday night and I’m just now sitting down to write. The baby crashed a bit earlier than usual (it was clearly a long week for him as well) and Jeremy is in the next room folding laundry before he runs out to pick up some take-out.

Throughout the week I compose blog posts of all the things I want to tell you – the real deal, the little victories, and the every day struggles. But each day seems to slip through my fingers and I’m beginning to see what everyone is talking about when they say it goes by so fast. And in each palm I’m weighing my priorities to see which gets my attention on any given day (or in any given moment, really): Fox, Jeremy, new business, friends, food, hygiene, fitness, blogging, emailing, client meetings, coaching, meditation, sexy times … oh, and sleep. At this point I have so many posts pinging in my head I’m not even sure where to begin. So I’ll just start with where I’m at.

If I’m to be completely honest this mom gig is way more challenging than I anticipated and in unexpected ways. For example, I had no idea that the flood of hormones caused by breastfeeding would leave me feeling scattered, unfocused, and unable to remember my words – basically I’m operating like a stoned person. Or I had no idea that the stress of not getting enough sleep would leave me craving sugar which isn’t doing my still recovering body any favors. For some reason I didn’t consider in advance that committing to breastfeeding would also mean compromising my closet to only clothes that can sustain leaks and give Fox easy accessibility to the boob. And every day I’m trying to balance who I am with who I was with who I want to be – adding “good mom” to my list of titles leaves me wondering how I’m also going to manage “adventurer”, “world traveler”, and “badass business woman” too.

But if I’m being completely honest I also have to tell you that I’m so in love it hurts. I’m surprised at how much I love being a mom … and I think I’m pretty good at it. I feel so lucky that Fox chose us. Watching Jeremy kiss Fox’s neck until he erupts in a fit of giggles is probably my favorite thing in the whole world right now. And I’m sure hormones are at play here but I feel physically addicted to my baby – I start to crave him when we’re apart for too long. Having Fox (and perhaps a few episodes of Cosmos) has made me painfully aware of how fragile life is, and how lucky we are to be living in our skin. It’s made me realize that life truly is too short to waste it on the kinds of unproductive emotions that seem to come with the post-partum package including guilt, embarrassment, and overwhelm just to name a few. It’s become clear that life is too short to be living in anything less than love… The mother love.

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P.S. At about 6 weeks postpartum I recognized that I was struggling and I needed help to nip some shit in the bud. That’s where my momma coach, Rebecca Egbert, comes in. You might remember how Rebecca helped me through my daycare dilemma. These days Rebecca holds me accountable to being the kind of mom and person I want to be. She gives me physiological insights (I swear pregnancy, breastfeeding, and postpartum recovery make me feel like a clueless teenager going through puberty again) that make me feel a little less crazy in my body. We talk about the important stuff that easily gets overlooked – things like sleep, healing foods, and how to stop peeing myself when doing jumping jacks. And we talk just enough about balancing business as a working mom that I can legitimately write-off a good chunk of her fee. But Rebecca also gives me some spiritual soul food that not only opens my heart (daily practices in gratitude) but keeps me grounded and rooted (meditation is where it’s at). The work we do together keeps me operating at my best so when things get hard I can show up as the warrior mama I want to be.

If you’re a mom (or are pregnant… or even thinking about making babies) you should be following Rebecca: – the blog and newsletter are golden – where Rebecca preaches #themotherlove on the daily

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So now it’s your turn. What’s unexpectedly hard about being a mom? What’s unexpectedly awesome? Share with me in the comments. 

Photo by Ely Fair Photography at the Collected Thread Love Mom Well event.

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